Female self-determination — a matter of religion or natural law?
Warning:
The following article might trigger some feeling of unease, especially in men, accompanied by the fear of losing privileges.
We all have experienced those moments of sudden, unexpected clarity. I usually have mine while contemplating on the loo or clenching my tooth brush between my teeth. This morning’s insight struck me with utter enlightenment about women’s free will: Women’s integrity and self-determination is not as much a question of dignity as it is of deity, living in this polytheistic society ruled by male gods.
There certainly is something religious about the way we simply accept and believe in what only a certain species regards as virtuous living and morally acceptable behaviour. There is no natural law, hence: no logic ruling that women must be judged differently from men. If you feel like taking a deep breath, just consider the following for a second:
A man choosing to have more than one partner at a time? — Not a gentleman, but just a matter of (his) choice. A mere matter of taste.
A woman choosing to have more than one partner at a time? — A nymphomaniac, a slut, a fallen angel who lost the grace of god, a demon tempting our otherwise infallible male deities. The womenfolk may only chose among the Commandments given to them by their gods.
Not only men are to blame. Having grown up learning and incorporating this world view for generations, these beliefs have almost penetrated women’s genes. Once upon a time, they might not even have had a choice but to adapt to the belief and lifestyle (that is, unless they wanted themselves being burned, beaten or stoned to death — oh yes, we were really given a vast range of choices by our gods, at least among the ways to die). Now that these times are over, we are facing more subtle types of cruelty. Why don’t we speak up, then? Because this is the only kind of world we know. Or because we have adapted so much to our ‘religion’ that we can no longer differentiate between mere belief and natural law or our own interests.
Hold on a second. I know you’re irritated or angry. If you can bear with me, let me give you one last example:
Whether you’re heterosexual, bisexual or lesbian, do you regard hairy armpits as sexy or acceptable? Well, if you don’t, can you tell for sure that this is what you really LIKE, or is the only way you ever learned women look like when you grew up? There clearly are no images of women with self-confident armpit hair styles in advertising, print or online media, and the only ones we’ve ever seen seem to be deriving from some extraterrestrial species, being mocked and frowned upon. You simply learned that this is how women look, ‘naturally’, just the way you learned about gnus and pig testicles by pictures in your books in biology lectures.
Hairy armpits for men? — Again, a mere matter of choice and taste.
For women? — A matter of cleanliness and tidiness. And — even worse — a matter of beauty, feminity and sexuality, because women with hairy armpits are often judged lesbians, 70s feminists, bra burners or simply unclean grannies.
Same goes for the loss of bodily fluids:
A man jerking off? — Matter of choice and erm… taste.
A woman menstruating? — A matter of cleanliness, thus being tabooed. In our progressive society, TABOOED.
“But I do like hairy armpits!“
So you’re one of The Good Fellas (TM), aren’t you? Oh come on, give me a break. Most men having a affection for unshaved armpits cultivate this as a sign for their sexual openness and qualities. Does this sound familiar to anyone? :
“I do not care if you haven’t shaved your armpits. I like you the way you are.“
Let me have an educated guess: You like it dirty, don’t you?
Yeah, you’re clearly one of the good guys, permitting me to wear hairy armpits. And leather, fishnet stockings, and a gag. You’re so good to me, thank you.
Dirty.
Lesson (to be un-)learned: Hair that is naturally populating [female] armpits: dirty.
Just have a closer look into this.
Man. Permitting (as a matter of HIS choice and HIS taste in intercourse) woman to wear the style of clothing and armpit hair as s*he* pleases. Stretching the prim borders for his female fellows (which is only setting new ones).
Hair populating male body parts: matter of masculinity = ability to procreate = power. And matter of choice: A man does not lose his masculinity if he chooses to shave.
A woman choosing to leave certain body parts unshaved, however, does lose her femininity. At least in the eyes of our gods. This has to be a kind of religion, because everyone knows it’s certainly not by natural law. (You DO know this, right?! Then why do you make such a fuss about having to get rid off two millimeters of hair everywhere before going out? Why do you feel uneasy, regretfully declining your handsome, irresistible sweet date’s offer to get a little closer even though you’re longing for him, just because you haven’t had the time to shave or wax before you two met?).
I’m not being pathetic. Nor am I bitter. I’m just stating facts, mere neutral facts. What is acceptable for women — behaviour, appearances, etc. — is almost solely male-oriented, and we are not even aware of it. It’s the ‘law’ you impose upon us, most of you probably being unaware of that, which does not make things any better. However, stating the obvious isn’t popular. Oups, did I just step on your balls? I’m sorry. Why are you hanging them so low? I’m sure you can do so much better than this.
It makes you feel uneasy, right? If you feel like your balls are getting chopped off, that’s your fear of losing privileges you might have taken for granted all your life, your fear of a whole world falling apart. Boink boink. Pretty much the same as if I proved to you that you’ve been fooled by the law of gravity and apples are indeed falling upwards instead of downwards.
I am no different. I feel uneasy when I did not have the time to shave my armpits just as much as most of all women do. I’m not obsessed with hair, I’m just trying to make it easy for you to get my point by choosing an obvious, visual example. Whenever I see a woman with armpit hair, I look at her in awe, pleasantly shocked. Amazed. For a second, I certainly have to fight against considering her unsexy, unclean, even rude. Armpit hair reminds us of hair populating a much more tabooed area deep down below our navels. Ironically, it makes women appear more naked when their armpits are not naked at all. After the first instant of shock, I can finally acknowledge a woman’s beauty without regarding hairy armpits as a pollution of her femaleness. What remains is appreciation for her courage, for her freedom of choice. I still can’t help not being able to tell whether my choice of body parts hair style is male-influenced or deliberate, but at least I can acknowledge if someone else steps out of it. I think I’m making progress.
UPDATE [2019]: Long hair, don’t care
I stopped shaving in 2014 and have, since then, been very comfortable with that. Also my above-mentioned perspective on women has changed. It started as an experiment, encouraged by a friend and very talented photographer: I wanted to find out if I can be comfortable with it, and if my feeling for aesthetics that I grew up with would change over time. Bottom line: they did, big time, I think it suits me pretty well. Of course I do get the odd, inappropriate remark by (mostly male) colleagues, acquaintances, random people I meet at conferences or on the bus. If you’re interested in fun ways to deal with this, drop me a comment.
To all the guys who really are not bothered with shaved or unshaved female armpits, having retained within themselves the ability to really like a woman unconditionally the way she is: Congratulations, you are human. Welcome to the club.
To all women: You are gorgeous, whatever your hair style.
To all believers, female and male: I hope you don’t mind my blasphemy. Have a great day.
Snip-snip.
Disclaimer:
This post was initially published on Tumblr in 2013. Someone special made me consider dragging it out of the coffin again. Drop him a line if you feel like sharing your gratitude.
